Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Cool Catholics

That's right. There ARE or HAVE BEEN some pretty cool Catholics hanging around. Many say they're not Catholic anymore, but believe me, you NEVER stop being Catholic. It haunts you (which is anti-Catholic.)

Guy Fawkes

Stephen Colbert


Martin Scorsese
Jack Nicholson
Alexander Pope

Susan Sarandon
Mae West

Bill Murray
Moi
Merry Christmas

Friday, December 19, 2008

Writing in the 90's: A Selection of Screenplays - Part I

I'm into screenwriting. Like, REALLY into it. It's all I do. I got so into writing screenplays that it's become harder for me to write plain prose. I used to be good at prose and essays and blogging; now I have to work at it. But it's not like you care about that, so let's cut to the chase: I'd like to share some scripts that have taught me a thing or two about this wonderful craft. I present to you:

The Best Screenplays written in the 90's for Kids Who Can’t Write Screenplays that Well and/or Don't Know Shit About Screenwriting (But Really Wanna Learn Based on MY Personal Opinion, Which Happens to be the ONLY Opinion That Matters.)

Let's hit it:

THE INDIE GEM: Kids, by Harmony Korine (1995)

I love starting with a bang. So, why this one? Well... Have you read it? This shit is raw, and I know that word is thrown in a lot in film criticism (especially looking like this: "RAW!" ), but I really mean it. This shit is raw. It was written by then 18 year-old Harmony Korine. Larry Clark asked him (yeah, he's a guy, and his name is Harmony, HA!) to write the screenplay because he wanted the story to come from a true spectator of the way kids behaved back then. There's an amateurish feel to it, especially when it comes to character description. The story is shocking to read but refreshing at the same time, because there's not an ounce of self-consciousness in Korine's writing. Now, I've read a lot of screenplays, but there's a very fine line between pretentiousness and personal style. No-style is this screenplay's style, and it's that technical ignorance what makes it unique.

When I say 'technical ignorance' I'm not saying it lacks structure. The film has three acts, and the rest of the paradigm is there, but the descriptions and dialogue come so naturally that for a moment you think you're reading a short story. I wish my first script was as "RAW!!" as this one, but unfortunately, my teens weren't as eventful as Telly's. (Sidenote: doesn't Telly look JUST like Michael Phelps?)





THE ONE FULL OF HUMANITY: Almost Famous, by Cameron Crowe.

Crowe has a style of his own. I'm trying to say that when you read one of his scripts, you immediately know who the author is. He has those great afterthoughts to actions, like this one found in Jerry Maguire right after Dorothy asks him to come in and leaves him outside to settle things with the sitter.
She exits, as shot lingers on Jerry. That odd moment
when you've crossed the line.
Crowe's scripts have BILLIONS of those, and they're incredibly helpful to his actors. It's easy understand where the character is coming from, and it makes it pretty obvious why so many actors praise his writing. He makes their job easier. So, why am I going with Almost Famous instead of Jerry Maguire? Because the former is insanely entertaining and full of nostalgia and you can hear the riffs when you read about the backstage scenes. And on a personal note, I was about the main character's age when this movie came out, and I was into real rock & roll (something my friends NEVER understood) and wrote on just about anything I found, so it has sentimental value. It also has the Tiny Dancer scene. This is what it looked like on paper:

 92    INT. TOUR BUS -- MORNING - 5 AM

"Tiny Dancer" continues on the bus stereo. Russell sits up
front, swathed in a large robe, alone and silent. The
others have given him a wide berth. He feels silly, and
they know it, and he hates that they know it, which makes
him feel foolish. He sits silently. William watches him
from four rows back, next to Penny. She kisses the top of
his forehead, a hero's welcome. He yawns. The song's vocal
begins. There is only more silence. Then, after a beat, we
hear a voice or two, fighting the quiet and singing along.
Then others... waking up... joining in. Then Jeff. Russell
hears them and starts to sing along too, louder now,
without turning around. It's a voice everyone wants to
hear. Like it or not, this is his family.

Whenever I read Crowe's scripts I get the feeling that he was smiling
while hitting the keys. I mean, how can you put that much heart into
something, all that humanity, and keep a straight face? This is a guy
who's not afraid to show you his "uncool" side, and that makes him all
the cooler, because I'm so sick and tired of people saying showing
vulnerability is a bad thing. Crowe makes the vulnerable guy the hero
in all of his movies, and you can't dislike them because they're so
damn likeable. So thank you, Mr. Crowe, for setting the record
straight. The princess of uncoolness salutes you.




THE ONE FOR SUCKERS LIKE US: High Fidelity, adapted from the novel by Nick Hornby, written by D.V. DeVicentis, Steve Pink, John Cusack and Scott Rosenberg (2000)*

Let’s face it, not too many scripts penned by half a dozen people turn into good movies. But this one is different. It's not just because of John Cusack or the kick-ass soundtrack, or the fact that Jack Black gives a GREAT performance. The story feels real. It gives you the impression that the writers sat for hours, drinking and smoking, talking about old flames and how miserable and stupid they left them.

This script had a big challenge: the main character breaks the fourth wall, meaning, he speaks to camera. ALL THE FUCKING TIME. And it's not annoying. You know how hard that is? Voice overs are looked down upon, and talking to camera will make every self-righteous sreenwriting teacher throw you to the lions. Somehow it worked here but it sucked on Alfie. And it's not because it's John Cusack (thought it certainly helped the story to have a regular Joe talking to you), it's because it was handled correctly. They didn't use the method to fill screen time, but to help the progress of the plot.




TOP-NOTCH BANTER: Chasing Amy, by Kevin Smith (1997)

First of all, isn't the tagline great? It's not who you love. It's how. Reading that, I don't understand why so many people in the gay community (especially lesbians) were offended by this movie. In one of Kevin Smith's many college "lectures", a young lesbian dubbed this film as "dumb, but harmless" (which Smith loved) and argued that the movie's message was that all lesbians need is some serious deep-dicking. Smith responded by saying that he put those exact words in the mouth of one of the dumbest characters: Banky. Just to show everyone that that wasn't the point of the movie at all. This is a movie about relationships in your twenties; an interesting time to fall in love, because you know more than you did when you were deep in the claws of puberty, but you still don't know yourself well enough to know what will make you truly happy.

Smith is known for his dialogue, and I believe he did his best on this one. He can make his characters hilarious and painfully honest; vulnerable and infuriating, but he keeps them real. He doesn't cheat on his audience by making them say what we would like to hear from this people; he's honest about them from beginning to end. Holden is and always will be Holden, and Alyssa is always Alyssa, which is mainly the reason for the film's ending.

Also, there's some pretty awesome talk about Catholic upbringing and Star Wars and sex. Sex isn't perfect in real life, and it certainly isn't perfect here. Watching the characters talk about it on screen you're reminded of very similar conversations you've had with your friends. Sure, the banter in Knocked Up and 40 Year-Old Virgin was cool, but a lot of it came from improvisation, both from the actors and Apatow himself. Smith banter is just that: banter from the man himself. If you read his scripts and later watch his films you'll find that every single thing that comes out of his characters' mouths was first on the script, and in Smith's mind before that. One-liners in Apatow movies are born from hanging out on set, having beer and smoking pot with your buddies. Smith quotes come from Smith talking to himself in a dark room while trying to finish his first draft. And you know what? The female lead is a pretty decent character, too. I usually don't like to go all-Amazon on certain movies, but I just want to say that I really appreciated Alyssa, and the effort Kevin Smith put to creating her and making her an intelligent human being with flaws, doubts, and a bag full of lessons over her shoulder. She is without a doubt one of the best female characters created by a male writer. She's not gimmicky or full of cute little tics (fuck you, Braff). She doesn't need to have them, either, because guess what? Ordinary women can also be extraordinary. It's all in the eyes of the beholder.




PERFECTION: As Good As It Gets, by James L. Brooks and Marcus Andrus (1997)

James L. Brooks must know he’s an amazing writer. Like Cameron Crowe, he has a style of his own. I thought this particular script was just a fluke, but when I read Spanglish I realized the man's style is always the same: perfection. You may not like his films, but you can't possibly read one of his scripts and don't feel something. That's why I value his talent and why I consider him my idol in this crazy screenwriting business. The point of films in general is (or used to be) creating a bond with your audience, while providing some entertainment at the same time. At least that's what I love about films. Brooks is a master at making you care. And caring about Melvin Udall, that pain in the ass everyone tries to avoid, makes you realize that if we all bothered to see the good side on those we loathe, then perhaps we'd all be friends, and we'd have lunch by lakes with noodle salad.

One of the wonderful things about As Good As It Gets is that every character has their moment; like the therapist we only see in one scene has a voice of his own, as do the people in the waiting room. It doesn't matter if they don't have any lines, they're still relevant to the story because James L. Brooks makes sure they're people and not just extras to fill the frame. Even the dog plays a major role, and not only because he helps the plot, but because they gave the dog a personality.

Whenever I watch this film I catch myself wishing I was an insufferable bitch just so I can use Melvin’s lines. But it's not all about the "sell crazy some place else -- we're all stocked up here" stuff. It's the story, and the characters' evolution, and the fact that each of them has a voice of their own. Do Melvin and Carol stand a chance? Fuck if I know. But it was wonderful while it lasted.



Stay tuned for Part II

*The film was released in 2000, but the script was written before that. Duh.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Contrast II

College Years

Cheerleader Bush



Cooler than cool ObamaAnd just because I hate Jamie Foxx (real name: Eric Marlon Bishop. hehehe), check this out!
You're welcome.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

I Love Garden Staters

I don't know exactly why, but this little clip here made me laugh my ass off.

I wish I had that accent...

Oh, dad...

I used to love having a blog. Until my family discovered it. I still blog a lot, but I filter what I post. Other times, there are things that are just too good to resist. Like the Diesel XXX party video, with all the Safe For Work porn. I posted it on my Spanish blog, and my dad saw it today. He e-mailed me saying, Sofi, I don't like the porn section on your blog. It serves no purpose.

First of all, I don't have a porn SECTION. It's just a post. Anyway, my dad saw it. He also doesn't like it when I talk about sex on my blog, which was only ONE time, and I didn't talk about having sex, but how I learned about sex when I was growing up.

The thing is, no matter how good my points are and how well I deliver them, if my dad thinks I'm wrong before hearing them, then I'm wrong and always will be.

Oh, well... Dinner tonight shall be very interesting.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Madge's Vadge Looked at Me


I attended Madonna's first concert ever in Chile. I was only a few feet away from the stage, and as the show went on I couldn't believe how close I was. I could actually see that freaky vein on her arm and her Beverly Hills face. (Seriously, though, she looked very different.) At one point, she looked directly at me, but only for a fraction of a second. Years from now when we remember what an icon she was I'll be able to say "yeah, she looked me in the eye once."

The show was like nothing we'd ever seen around these parts. Sometimes I'd catch everyone standing, unmoving, watching in awe at the display taking place on the stage. The screens, the videos they were playing, the dancers, the outfits, the perfectly synchronized choreographies, the quality of Madonna's voice.

I distinctly remember an eye-catching video of different leaders and villains of the world. The image of starving children will remain in my brain forever. The montage ended with Obama footage, and the stadium went crazy. It was inspiring, and I felt like changing the world. Madonna came out to sing 4 Minutes To Save The World, with Justin dancing in rectangular screens, thus looking real-life sized. and the chorus basically says we only got 4 minutes to save the world. You'd expect the rest of the lyrics to be as motivating, but it's a lot of if you want it you already got it, the road to hell is paved with good intentions. You'd almost expect her to sing liar liar, pants on fire at some point. I don't get what that song is really about. Considering the source, I think it may have something to do with sex. It's great for parties, but not a good follow-up to a video with starving children and Hitler.

Another striking thing about the concert was how much she enjoys touching herself and/or pointing at her crotch while saying, "You can't touch this." Or how she humped an amp, or how she milked one of her dancers' fake cone boob, or how the other dancers would point at her crotch from time to time. Sure, sex and religion made her famous, but she's already fucking MADONNA, man. She's the biggest star in the world. What exactly is she trying to prove? Meh, maybe it's just part of her show. But having watched her entire show up-close I reached the following conclusion:

After 30 years of being a pop star, Madonna is still keen on reminding everyone she has a vagina.

Still, the show was awesome.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

I Heart J.S.

As the only person in my family who's pro-gay marriage, I find the idea of Jon Stewart agreeing with me very comforting.

Hipnotizame

Pajibans can't live without each other, and we can't live with each other, either, so we post the same memes on our blogs to feel the luuuuuuurve.

1. Put your music on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!

1) IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
My Stupid Mouth (to which people respond, "you like John Mayer?????")

2) WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Torn (All those years in therapy and it turns out the answer was in my iPod all along...)

3) WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY?
Steady Rollin' (hhhmmmmm)

4) HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
In The Waiting Line (hmmm.... weekend....)

5) WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE??
Logo (exactly.)

6) WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Good Day To Die (I have a very clear conscience.)

7) WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
It's Not Getting Any Good (I'm too awesome)

8) WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Scene At The Open Air Market (Well, I'm a screenwriter.)

9) WHAT IS 2+2?
El Rodeo de Rancagua

10) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Barrel Of A Gun (actually, I think she's a pistol)

11) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Human Behavior (weird... he's a tree)

12) WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Dead Letter & The Infinite Yes (um... uh-huh...)

13) WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Big Decision (fuck, yeah)

14) WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Don't Look Back in Anger

15) WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Strawman (wha.....?)

16)WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
September's Lost (...so is single life)

17) WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Don't Play That Song ('cause nobody wants me to die, see?)

18) WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
What A Girl Wants (meaning: dudes with chest hair)

19) WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Marketplace (I was born there and they hid me under a table, and then I developed an amazing sense of smell)

20) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Clementine (they all wanna be huge elephants in parades)

21) WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
The Hindu Times (I'm super intolerant of other religions)

22) HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Strange Days With The Doors

23) WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
You Belong To Me ('cause I settled)

24) WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Someone Like You (aawww... so this is why I settled!)

25) WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Sixteen Military Wives (kinda true)

26) WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Entre Mis Brazos (it means "in my arms." Cute)

27) WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Baby Don't Cry

28) DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds (she's my weird neighbor who doesn't know her godfather is actually her father and her sister is really her mother)

29) IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Just Another Girl (I'd have THREE boobs!)

30) WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Fallin (I'm tall and the impact is worse)

31) WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Hipnotizame

32) HOW DOES THE WORLD SEE YOU?
Judge Me (according to my iPod I'm emo)

33)WILL I HAVE A HAPPY LIFE?
Slide Away

34)WHAT DO MY FRIENDS REALLY THINK OF ME?
Depressing Song (see? Emo)

35) DO PEOPLE SECRETLY LUST AFTER ME?
Shame (we're mostly Catholic here)

36) HOW CAN I MAKE MYSELF HAPPY?
Patience

37)WHAT SHOULD I DO WITH MY LIFE?
Losing My Religion

38) WILL I EVER HAVE CHILDREN?
Hummer (as in... humming in my Special Valley as foreplay so then we can concieve?)

39) WHAT IS SOME GOOD ADVICE FOR ME?
Ce Que Je Suis (oui!)

40) HOW WILL I BE REMEMBERED?
Golden Slumbers (wet dreams? Eww!)

41) WHAT IS MY SIGNATURE DANCING SONG?
Assessment (I totally forgot how much I loved this song!)

42)WHAT DO I THINK IS MY CURRENT SIGNATURE SONG?
Another Pearl

43) WHAT DOES EVERYONE THINK MY SONG IS?
Hijo De La Luna

44) WHAT TYPE OF MEN DO YOU LIKE?
Velocity Girl (?)

45) WHAT IS MY DAY GOING TO BE LIKE?
A Day In The Life (Duh!)

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Best. Site. Ever.

For a Catholic-raised girl like myself, there is nothing better than this. Witness a few of my creations, all Pajiba related, of course.



Random Stuff

I can prove this wasn't sent to me. How? Well, asshole, we speak Spanish here.

Click to enlarge.

Also, did you know TK is, like, insanely in love with that Gossip Girl "guy"?


And a bonus/er.

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

Chicks I love

The one and only.....................

Elliot Reid.




Tuesday, November 25, 2008

5 Crappy Songs...

... I can't seem to stop singing.


1- Laura Pausini. "Se Fue" (He's Gone)

Why is it bad? Well, the lyrics go "he's gone, only his poison is left" and "I'd even go to jail with him." It's fucking perfect.



2- Celine Dion. "It's All Coming Back To Me Now"

I think this is pretty self-explanatory. It's also perfect for the shower.


3- The Larry Bagby Band. "Counting My Lucky Stars"
This song is so AWFUL and cringe-inducing that it only appears in a youtube montage. Yeah.


4- Britney Spears. "Don't Let Me Be The Last To Know"
Man... fucking Britney. And yeah, when I said I can't stop singing these songs I really meant it. I'm the bitch in the red hat.


Surprise Number 5. I can't embed it, so follow the link and enjooooooooooy.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Friday, November 21, 2008

Contrast

I adore this kid. And I adore Amy Poehler for doing this show.



On the other hand, these girls are fucking hilarious, and not in a cute way.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

If the trailer's-a- ro-rockin', don't come-a-kno-knockin'

So, Figgy and Marra are doing their own Freebies List.

Here's mine.

1- Hayden ChristensenWhere was I? Okay, let's have ONE more.


2- Henry Cavill

He can star in my Tudor anytime. What?

3- Wentworth Miller


4- Brad Pitt, circa Fight Club (pre-wedding, pre-Botox)


5- Hot Dead Dudes

Hehehe...

And in current news, people are still stupid.

Friday, November 14, 2008

A New Resolution

I have decided that if I'm going to be in somebody's life, I don't want to be irrelevant.

Saturday, November 01, 2008

A Great Monday

It's Saturday, but I want to write about what's going to happen on Monday.

For the past few weeks, Pajibettes from around the world united to create "Paheeba" day, which consists of female oriented posts written by the female readers of Pajiba.com that will be published during an entire day. Dustin Rowles, editor of the site, was kind enough to let it happen and I'd like to extend my gratitude to him across the large American continent. You rock, Dustin.It wasn't easy to get it all together. We have an extensive message thread on Facebook to show for it. But we did it, all of us. We worked together and made it happen. It all started as a joke, really. We talked about a female revolution and put a bow on an octopus and declared we were taking over the site and turn it into Vagina Village. It was only when Dustin offered the possibility to turn our jest into a reality that things got serious. First, we had to know if we were up for the challenge. We were. Then we had to decide what we wanted to write, which took several days. Weeks, even. The posts came together and I felt confident enough to e-mail Dustin and tell him that we were up for it. I sent him a couple of finished posts and he enjoyed them.

Good.

I so wanted him to approve for several reasons, but one stood out above the rest. Sure, we wanted to be published and hear what BarbadoSlim had to say about our little revolution, but my main concern was to create quality posts to make a certain someone proud.

As I mentioned earlier, it all started as a joke, but as things got more serious I started to give meaning to it all. I can't just do something for the sake of doing it; I need to imprint some relevance on it. Paheeba day had nothing to do with my wanting to be published in an American website. It did, however, have everything to do with honoring a female reader who's going through some harsh times.

She goes by the name of AlabamaPink on Pajiba. Her real name is Amanda, and she's in the hospital. Going through the comment threads and reading her blog I've learned so much about her and what she's going through, and several Pajibans have showed their support for her by donating blood or running marathons to support those who suffer from Leukemia. Being so far away from her there's not much I can do, except support those with Leukemia who live in my country, but what I knew I could do for her was entertain her with some silly posts that hopefully will provide her a few moments of distraction.
Manda, this was all for you. All those hours of writing and getting everything together and editing posts and photoshopping images to make them look silly were to give you a nice time. Thank you for showing me through your words what courage is. I don't even know you but I'm so damn proud of you. So check out the Paheeba day posts. My only hope is that you'll think : "Good Godtopussy, I can write circles around those bitches."

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Kids...

My nephew Andrés (a.k.a. Pitín) on why he's so evil:

"My brain tells me things..."

Friday, October 17, 2008

Dirk Diggggshuthefuckup

I consider myself a rational woman, with thoughts and interests and all that crap, but sometimes it's nice to just lean back, clear your mind and enjoy the view.Mark Whalberg: give it up. Stop trying to be so badass. You've done a couple of good movies, or you've been fortunate enough to be cast in a supporting role in good film, but you peaked a long time ago. When you were doing stuff like this:

Ah, those were the days. Then you started taking yourself too seriously and you got mad at Andy Samberg for doing this:


I mean, who gets mad at Andy Samberg? It was just a sketch, and his impression was spot on.

I believe in people, as cheesy as that may sound, and I like to think even the DUMBEST individuals have some substance in them (especially Paris Hilton after New Year's Eve), but I gotta tell you, dude. To me, you'll always be that hot douchebag who did shit like this:
Fuck you, Mark Whalberg. Fuck you and drop the pants. Bitch.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Do it!

An axe would be faster, but there's a certain appeal in beating him to death with a board.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Hormone, shmormone.

You should be grateful your country even advertises birth control.




Also, am I the only one who thinks McCain has tiny hands? And please, Pajibans, spare me the "it's because you have mutant hands, you freak!!" comments.

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

There is no greater honor than being a Charolastra.

"Y Tu Mamá También" is not only a magnificent sample of superb filmmaking, it is also a radiography of Latin American society.

I first saw this film when I was in high school. Everybody talked about the uninhibited sexuality of the characters and the graphic scenes where it was displayed. Plus, Gael García Bernal starred. There are three men Latin American girls grow up worshipping: her father, Jesus and Gael. While trying to shake off my Catholic upbringing and oversexed by clandestine yet candid conversations about sex with my girlfriends I instantly knew this film was for me.

It was so much more than what I'd expected. People talked about it as the "Mexican version of American Pie." That's downright insulting. It's heresy. This film is more earnest, real, raw, painful and beautiful than any other I've ever seen. It's one of those movies that teach you something new every time you see them and that seem to grow with you. In high school it told me one thing: sex can be used as a weapon. In college it spoke to me about social differences. Having grown up in an upper-class family with a good last name, I'd only encountered equals during my private education. That changed in college. I found that I was a minority. We see this happening to Tenoch (a fantastic Diego Luna), who happens to be best friends with Julio (Bernal, in what I believe is one of his finest performances), a kid from a middle-class family. While driving across Mexico, we clearly yet subtly observe Tenoch realizing he's extremely privileged but he remains mum about the issue. There's something changing inside of him, but it just might be too scary to admit it out loud.

Throughout the road trip, Tenoch is a foreigner in his own country. Julio stops to make small talk with the locals; he feels like one of them. Tenoch is always looking to be in charge, perhaps because that's the only reality he knows. He's a winner. He can have sex with his girlfriend in his own home, and find a new one after only two months of being single. Julio has to be sneaky in order to get laid and it takes him 9 months to get a new girlfriend. Julio is submissive and collaborates when Tenoch wants to hear every single detail about his BFF's night with his girlfriend, yet when he's asked to do the same for Julio he does so reluctantly and with his eyes elsewhere. He won't kneel for forgiveness until Julio reminds him he did the same for him. When they're in the boat with Chuy the fisherman, he wants to drive, while Julio plays with Chuy's daughter.

In spite of all their differences, Tenoch and Julio act like they're the same. They have the same friends, the same interests, but along the way we learn their backgrounds weight on them. When challenged, Tenoch doesn't hesitate about reminding Julio he's socially inferior to him, and Julio nonchalantly admits he enjoys the perks that come with being Tenoch's friend. They both share the unquenchable desire to dominate through sex. They ask Luisa who's better at it, their unfaithful girlfriends aren't people so much as they're property. They think they're experienced in the ways of life because they've done drugs and consumed alcohol and have had intercourse in different positions; they even have a manifesto. But they're kids. They're confused. They're so incredibly alone, and until they really grow up by the end of the film, all they have is each other.

Luisa, the Spanish woman married to Tenoch’s cousin, is aware of this. She’s up to her last weeks on this earth, and she’s not in the mood to fuck around. She wants to be free, and maybe pass on a lesson or two to her two avid young friends. After learning of her husband’s affairs with other women, she doesn’t think about it twice before accepting Tenoch and Julio’s offer to go to the beach. She listens to what the kids have to say, allowing them to brag about things they've done. She treats them like adults and listens to them with awe, and it thrills the two boys to be taken so seriously by the object of their desire. But she has a limit. Her no-more-bullshit rule drives her to control the two teenagers; knowing they're willing to do anything she says. By the end of the journey, and having taught them a few lessons (albeit Tenoch and Julio are not entirely aware of it), Luisa is finally free. She dies being whom she always wanted to be, in a foreign country and in her own terms.

The words flow between the three main characters, and it looks so natural you'd almost think the entire film was ad-libbed. The acting is superb, the light and look are beautiful, and the voice over narration adds to the narration and doesn't stall it. "Y tu mamá también" is a film where I can find no flaws. Perhaps I'm biased because it's one of the few Latin American films that doesn't take any sides, and both the poor and rich are complex and suffer through their own battles.

What can I say? This flick kicks ass, buey.

Monday, October 06, 2008

I KNEW Anne Hathaway was cool!

Two facts:

1- Anne Hathaway is an amazing singer.
2- If my sisters and I ever decided to do an act together I'd totally get stuck playing Judy.



Bonus fact:

Mary Poppins is a slut.

Friday, October 03, 2008

Riding Pipeline, The Sarah Palin Porn Flick

(Open on the PALIN residence, Wasilla, Alaska. Evening. Governor SARAH PALIN is sitting on the couch, reading "all of the magazines." She is wearing a satin negligee and bunny slippers. Her luxurious brown hair is in a bun. Her glasses rest just so on the bridge of her nose. TODD is out of town on business. TRIGG is peacefully asleep upstairs. There is a firm knock at the door. PALIN puts down her reading material and goes to answer it.)

PALIN: Who is it?

GRUFF MALE VOICE: It's JOE, the tanning-bed repairman.

(PALIN unlocks the door and opens it)

PALIN: Hiya! You were supposed to be here two hours ago, doncha know?

JOE: I'm sorry. My snowmobile broke down outside of Matunska. I had to walk the rest of the way.

PALIN: Well, you're in luck. I just baked a batch of chocolate-chip cookies. Why don't you come inside and I'll fix you a plate of 'em?

(JOE obliges. He takes a seat on the couch. PALIN enters the kitchen and returns shortly after with the cookies. She gives them to JOE, but not before looking him up and down.)

PALIN: My oh my. That's quite a toolbelt you have on. It looks heavy.

JOE: I have a big hammer.

PALIN: Oh, I betcha do. I love a big hammer. But I love screwdrivers, too! And wrenches. The fact is I love and respect all of America's diverse tools, big and small. They're what helps make us so great as a nation. Here, let me take that off for ya.

(PALIN takes a seat on the coach beside JOE and starts to undo his belt. He stops her.)

JOE: Let's go take a look at the tanning bed first.

PALIN: Oooh, okay.

(PALIN leads JOE to the tanning salon in the basement. JOE carefully inspects the machine.)

JOE: Looks like there are just a bunch of screws loose.

PALIN: (seductively) You're in luck. I fully support off-shore and on-shore drilling.

(PALIN pounces on JOE and throws him onto the top of the tanning bed. She quickly rips off his jeans.)

PALIN: God almighty! You are hung like a moose. Now I have to eat ya!

JOE: I'm bigger than a moose. Do you have any contraceptives?

PALIN: It's okay. I already took a morning-after pill.

JOE: Um, are you sure it works that way?

PALIN: Are you asking me if I know what a morning-after pill is? Because I totally do! I'll get back to ya with specifics.

(The two proceed to make furious love in a multitude of positions. PALIN amply demonstrates that she has enough experience.)

PALIN: Fuck me harder! HARDER! Pound me until my head is so empty that I can't even remember the name of the one Supreme Court case I actually know! I want it to burn. Burn like a banned book. Oh God, Oh God, OH MY GOD! MAKE ME SEE RUSSIA FROM HERE!

(After 10 minutes, the two finish.)

PALIN: Wow-eee. I haven't had a ride that good since Todd took me for a spin on the back of his Yamaha at the Tesoro Iron Dog.

JOE: That was amazing. What now?

PALIN: I feel so alive! Let's grab my gay friend and go shoot wolves from the safety of a helicopter.

(End scene)

Source: Radar Online

Monday, September 29, 2008

Pageant Girls.

One of them is running for VP of the United States.

Can you guess which one?




Thursday, September 25, 2008

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Separated at birth

.........and by a few degrees of coolness.

God.

Me.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

The Plan

I have abandoned this blog but I return full of ideas.

I plan on taking a few courses at Harvard in a couple of years. In the meantime, I'll be working my ass off in order to save money for said trip. Here's where the plan comes in, entitled:

Making a 90-minute film with 5 grand.

I have a script. It takes place in Long Island, and a small portion in Manhattan. It's a simple story about people; no special effects needed. My crew and cast won't get paid - netiher will I. All the money in the very reduced budget will go to equipment rental and stuff like that. Anything that has to be paid for to get a movie made - except the people working behind it.

I'll be needing a nice crew and a good-willed cast to join me in this adventure.

Any takers?